Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

I wept when I first tasted Your grace,

Overwhelmed with gratitude,

Spent the whole night in tears,

First time feeling such divine embrace.

But I mourned when I finally learned

Why I needed such grace.

Spared from all that I deserved,

And lavished with everything I don't, instead.

I wept when I finally grasped

The true meaning of the cross,

The good news that it carries,

And all the promises it fulfills.

But I mourned when I discovered

The weight of the cross You bore,

When sweat turned blood, You asked if there's another way,

Yet, knowing the agony, You took it anyway.

I wept when repulsion crept under my skin

Towards the sinful habits I once delight in,

No longer needing to rely on myself,

For Your Spirit came transforming from within.

And I mourned the first time I found myself

Giving in and willingly falling into sin,

Until gradually sliding back to my old ways,

It felt like nailing You back all over again.

I wept when I finally found You,

Permanently settled in my heart,

Feeling a kind of love beyond words,

Unable to resist loving You in return.

But I mourned when You started asking me

To let go of some You don't desire for my heart,

Times when my desires didn't align with Yours,

Truly heartbreaking yet in the end, I understood why.

I wept when I realized Your sovereignty,

That nothing You allow serves no purpose,

That You who take hold of the vast Universe

Is the same one who dearly takes hold of my life.

Yet, I mourned also realizing Your sovereignty,

That as the Word says, this life is no longer mine,

With each dice I roll, it's You who determine the fall,

How frustrating it can be yet the only cost without truly a loss.

I wept, pleading not to let go of Your grip,

For such light I found in You is found in no one else,

And such fire You spark is the only one that lasts,

So, I wanted to stay and didn't want to wander away.

Yet, I mourned deep down inside

When misery and anger took hold,

And I ended up no longer wanting to stay,

Yet You granted that prayer and truly didn't let Your grip go.

I wept when I read about Your promises,

Bliss and excitement has filled my heart,

Caught a glimpse of heaven in this fallen world,

Giving me something to look forward to in joy.

But I mourned when I found myself doubting,

And still You've kept keeping Your promises,

Trials and tribulations did distort how I perceive You,

Yet, the truth remains— You're the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I weep every time it sinks in

That I now mourn over grieving You,

Which signifies one thing

This soul of mine now truly belongs to You.

And I mourn also every time it sinks in,

That grieving You also grieves me.

Understanding what You meant in Your sermon on the mount

That blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.