my enemy and my friend

I have an enemy but also a friend.

she withdraws me from people when I need to reach out to them the most.

she feeds me lies in my head to make me just stay alone by myself.

I feel anxious when she comes knocking in.

she's like an unwanted guest I have to avoid, but I just can't.

but sometimes, she has something in her, that knows I need her at certain times.

she knows I can't bear to go out and socialize.

she knows I don't have the energy to put up a facade.

so, she asks me to shut down for a while.

she provides comfort and peace to allow me to just be myself as I sit with my emotions.

I took a pause and learned the nuances of her duality.

I sorted out the bad from what I see as my enemy and the good from what I see as my friend.

I figured out that my enemy breeds depression, but my friend makes a soul connection.

the first one leads to rotting, but the latter makes way to a rebirth.

now, when she comes knocking in, I no longer feel that anxious.

instead, I feel heard.

I open the door for her to come in, ask where she's coming from, spend time with her, and when I know it's time, I open the door again to send her away.

this time, she no longer comes unwanted.

she's welcome anytime I know I need her, as long as she doesn't come from a depressing, imprisoning scheme.

she has two names—one for my enemy and one for my friend.

isolation is my enemy but solitude is my friend.

I'm now choosing to welcome only my friend.